Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Fountain of Youth

Remember that old prune commercial...Is 3 enough, is 6 too many? That is the way it is with the quest to retain our youth today. We are all faced with it, you can't deny it. The search to be perfect starts as early as 5 years old, some cosmetic surgeries are done on teens these days. When you're in your 40's is when most people start, first with baby steps, then where does it end?

It may start with whitening the teeth. How white do they have to be? So you can read in bed and not have to turn on a light? And so it goes....
Here are your choices..
*Diet (too restrictive and takes too long for desired results)
*Exercise (UGH!)
*Retin-A; Acid to slough off dead skin cells and leave a fresher look
*Latisse: a chemical paint to make your eyelashes longer, darker and thicker
*Waxing: Most popular, lip, eyebrow and bikini. Do you want a 'shiny floor"?
*Merkin: After all of that shaving, waxing and laser hair removal, you find someone who likes pubic hair. A "Merkin" is a pubic wig, custom fit, of course.
*Laser: Hair removal
*Laser: Wrinkle reducer
*Permanent make-up: eye lids, eye brows, lips, lip liner, blush and beauty mark
Now we go under the knife....
*Rhinoplasty (Nose)
*Otoplasty (ears)
*Eye Lift
*Mid-face Lift
*"Threading" Lift
*Full Face Lift
*Neck Lift
*Breast Augmentation
*Breast Reduction
*Breast Sculpting
*Breast Lift
*Rib Sculpting (They break your ribs and either remove them for a smaller rib cage or "sculpt" them so you have a better looking torso.)
*Underarm Lift(gets rid of "bat" wings)
*Hand Rejuvination (yes, that's a "hand lift" to stretch skin and make look younger)
*Tummy Tuck
*Liposhifting (Take a little fat from "here" and put it "there")
*Thigh liposuction
*Body Sculpturing (Just incase they've missed any part of the anatomy)
*Bum Boost (Sculpt those cheeks to look like 2 perfectly formed little apples)
*Calf Lift (makes the calves of your legs more shapely)
*The "Aussie" Lift...Yes, ladies it's for the "down under"
*Vaginoplasty: reshape whatever you have
*G-spot Enhancement: inject cosmetic filler Restylene to make G-Spot larger...Inject WHAAAAT WHERE?????
*New Mommy Makeover: vaginal sculpting, tummy tuck and breast lift.
*Hymenoplasty: After you've lived with the guy for 5 years and you want to be a "virgin" on your wedding night.
*Labial Reduction: Sweet Mother of God, no mas!
Let's not forget the Gents: Pectoral sculpting, Calf Enhancemet and Phalloplasty: Yes, you read it correctly, lengthen the penis..1/2 to 1 1/2 inches when flaccid. Can't you see the guys faint on this one? I would hope so.
What is this all about? Too insecure? Too much disposable income? Too little common sense? What?
Look in the mirror and say, "I love you just the way your are!"

1 comment:

Diana said...

I must be a mess i need everything tucked, lifted, or enhanced ugh! where in the world did yuo get this list?